Finding What You Didn't Even Know You Wanted
by authorjazmyne
Summary: Sharon/Brenda A story that follows the development of their relationship.


Disclaimer: I do not own anything.

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Brenda Leigh Johnson was not one of those girls who sat around planning her romantic life out as a child. When her friends were thinking of the perfect wedding and the dream husbands, Brenda was thinking about her future career. She never gushed at the sight of the handsome actors or got stars in her eyes when she saw the beautiful wedding gowns. She was focused on getting good grades so she could get into her dream school and then into the field that best fit her needs. There was no desire to rush off into marriage; settling down with kids and a dog was not on her agenda. She was not looking forward to feeling tied down or held back. So, because of that, she knew that when it came time to starting her life with someone, she wasn't going to be able to just jump into it with anyone.

It took two failed marriages for Brenda to realize that she was probably right to stay away from it all. She had a career she loved by then, a few friends that she was sure would stay loyal to her, and Sharon. Sharon, the woman that used to get under her skin just by showing up in her murder room had somehow become the only female friend she had. If she were honest with herself, which Brenda avoided being often, she would have also known that Sharon was the only person that had ever had her back unconditionally. The boys of her division were there for her, but there was something different about the way Sharon showed it. After divorcing Fritz, Sharon was the only person that seemed to understand and was the one that comforted her with baked goods - and that was just about all it took for Sharon Raydor to be moved up on the list of Brenda Leigh's favorite people.

Sharon was more than the woman who supplied her with remarkable desserts. It was Sharon who stood up for her when Pope was tearing her down, helping destroy her career - though, Sharon made sure to point out to the blonde that she wasn't doing much to stop her career from crumbling before her. Sharon continuously pointed out things like that in hopes that Brenda would be more cautious in certain situations, which Brenda honestly did improve on, but there were still things even the captain couldn't stop Brenda from doing. Sharon always made sure to be there at the end of those bad cases, only lecturing her for a few minutes before those doe eyes made her give in. Brenda wasn't a fool; she knew that Sharon had a weakness for her and she used it to her advantage. It wasn't until she started realizing that they were both moving to dangerous territory that she decided that maybe it wasn't just Sharon who had a weakness in their relationship.

The moment it all became clear to them both was something they both swore they would never forget. There weren't fireworks or sparks - you know, the things they use to describe that knowing feeling you get inside when you both realize that you're falling for each other. No, it was simple. Brenda was at Sharon's house for their weekly movie night and they were watching '_You've Got Mail_' for what felt like the hundredth time; neither of the two could really get enough of the movie. Sharon had been absently drawing circles on Brenda's arm as she leaned against her. Brenda at some point looked up at Sharon, a smile on her lips and a brightness in her eyes that had been slowly coming back after the months following her divorce. They didn't say a word, but it wasn't like they needed to. They communicated through looks and touches all the time; so when Brenda reached a hand up to Sharon's face, and Sharon leaned down slightly, they both knew what was about to happen. Their lips brushed together softly and slowly. It was a tender kiss that ended just as quickly as it started. There still weren't any words spoken as Brenda turned back to the television and Sharon pulled her closer. They watched the movie as if the moment hadn't even happened, but they both knew that much wasn't changing. What they were feeling was just as inevitable as what would come.

**One month after their first kiss:**

"Hey," chirped the blonde as Sharon entered her office, closing the door behind her. Brenda, as always, stood up from her seat and met Sharon part of the way. Her arms went around the captain's neck as the other woman put her hands on her hips.

"Hey," Sharon whispered as her lips and Brenda's finally met. They never discussed what all the kisses they were sharing meant, but when they were alone they made sure to steal a few kisses here and there. Sharon smiled against Brenda's lips when the blonde made that adorable humming sound in her throat.

"I missed you today," Brenda admitted through pecks to Sharon's soft lips.

"You've been busy and I didn't want to get in the way," she responded as she pulled back to look at Brenda. She looked tired, but her brown eyes still sparkled as if light were reflecting off them. "Did you remember to eat? I know how you get when you're tied up in a case."

Brenda smiled sheepishly. She had only a pack of those Keebler cookies she liked, but she already knew that didn't count in the brunette's eyes. "I may have forgotten," she told her as they finally separated. Sharon made one of those hums that meant she disapproved and Brenda shook her head as she moved back to the other side of her desk.

"Let me take you to get something to eat," Sharon offered as she watched Brenda gather things and shove them into her impossibly big bag.

Brenda stopped what she was doing and turned to face the other woman as she worried her bottom lip with her teeth. A night out with Sharon was something she always enjoyed, especially when it involved dinner. Honestly, those were the things she looked forward to after long weeks, but not this one. This case had taken up almost the entire week for her to finally close and she was really looking forward to her bed. As much as she didn't want to turn down the captain, she knew she was far too tired to go anywhere.

"How about a rain check? I'm exhausted and I just want to head on home."

Sharon smiled; she was slightly disappointed, but she understood the need to rest after the week Brenda had. "You'll eat when you get home, though," she told her sternly.

Brenda smiled widely at her as she tucked blonde hair behind her ear. She took a moment before she finally asked what she had been wanting to ask many times before. "Sharon," she started slowly in that sweet tone she always used when she was making it clear that she really wanted something. Sharon smirked slightly in that way that meant she knew very well that Brenda was trying to get something from her. This had easily become routine in a way. "How 'bout you come over and we can just have dinner at my house?" She looked down at her things, getting them together as she continued. "Then, you know, if you wanted to, I'd like it if you were to spend the night with me as well."

Sharon wasn't surprised by the idea. Too many nights they drove back from one another's homes after spending time together. It was the nervous gulp that she let slip out that surprised her. She wasn't sure why she was nervous. It's not like she hadn't thought of spending the night with the other woman. Perhaps it was because she wasn't sure what was expected from her if she spent the night. She and Brenda technically weren't dating, so she still wasn't certain about some things. She'd been in a few relationships since her marriage, which ranged from purely sexual to almost platonic. It was still hard to figure out where hers and Brenda's was heading and what was to come with each new step.

Brenda must have sensed the uneasiness and knew what was going through Sharon's mind. She picked up her bag and stepped in front of Sharon, who was looking back at her as if she wasn't sure how to answer. Brenda leaned forward and brushed her lips incredibly slowly against Sharon's and then sucked her bottom lip into her mouth just as slowly. It was that deep moan from Sharon's throat that answered the question, letting Brenda know she would be coming home with her.

They drove to Sharon's house first so she could pick up a few things and drop off her car. Brenda would just have to drive her home when it came time for her to leave. They also stopped and picked up some Chinese take-out before heading to Brenda's house. Dinner was eaten over a movie and a few glasses of wine. Once the movie was over they cleaned up the mess together. They brought all the left over food and dirty dishes to the kitchen and then washed everything. Brenda led Sharon back to her bedroom, which Sharon had been in many times, but this was the first time she was in it to sleep.

"You want to use the shower first?" Brenda asked as she closed the curtains in her bedroom.

Sharon was standing awkwardly at the door, not really sure what to do as she watched the small woman move around the room. "It doesn't really matter," she answered almost absently. "I don't mind waiting. You've had a long day, so I'm sure you want to go ahead and shower."

Sharon was right. Brenda needed to feel the heat of the water against her tired body badly. "You sure you won't mind? The other bathroom's water doesn't get nearly as hot, but if you want to use that one instead of waiting..."Brenda trailed off.

"I'll wait for you," Sharon answered simply.

Brenda nodded her head as she walked to the bathroom. "I'll try to hurry. Make yourself comfortable," she told her right before closing the bathroom door.

Sharon hadn't made herself comfortable. She wasn't comfortable until much later as she finally came out of the shower. Her skin was flushed and she felt more awake than she had earlier in the day. She wasn't sure what to put on. She had brought her overnight bag in the bathroom with her. When she packed it, she put in three different choices, hoping it would be a lot easier to figure out what was going to happen the rest if the night by the time she was finally putting on the clothes. It wasn't, though. It had been like any other night; they shared many kisses and Brenda cuddled into the side of her body as they watched the movie - which Sharon used to hate doing with other people, but Brenda was a cuddler, so she made the exception for her. So, with no real clues, she wasn't sure.

Sharon put on her body cream and went through her usual nightly routine as she went through the different ways the night could go. They could just sleep together in the same bed and it would be no big deal. There was also the possibility that their usual kissing and cuddling could move to the bedroom and it would go a little further. Then there was the idea that both scared her and excited her at the same time. They could have sex. They could have sex and it could either ruin whatever was between them or make it move further. It was the unknown that made Sharon over-think everything. She hated going into a situation without having all the facts - one of many things she had in common with Brenda.

Sharon took a deep breath and put the towel back around her body, picked up her bag, and then opened the bathroom door. Brenda looked up from where she sat on the bed and looked Sharon up and down with a questioning look in her eyes. The blonde licked her lips as she looked her over again, this time with an appreciative look in her eyes. Sharon dropped the bag on the floor and took the clip out of her hair to let it loose. Everything seemed to be happening slowly and quickly at the same time. Sharon moved over to the bed, taking her time to move to the side Brenda was on. The younger of the two turned so her feet were hanging off the side of the bed and she reached her hands out to pull Sharon to her. Sharon could tell by the look in Brenda's eyes that she was just as confused as she was about everything, which helped calm down the captain's racing heart.

"I-" Sharon cleared her throat as Brenda pulled her so she was on the bed, her knees on either side of Brenda's lap. "I wasn't sure what to put on," she told her vaguely.

"So you went with nothin'," Brenda drawled thickly. Sharon smiled a little and her eyes crinkled in that way that Brenda really loved. Brenda dropped her eyes to Sharon's thighs, which were no longer covered by the towel. Suddenly the realization that Sharon was naked under the towel made her heart start to pound erratically. She'd never seen Sharon's body before and she was certain that those tailored suits had been hiding a lot. "Does this mean...?" Brenda gulped back the rest of her question and looked up into green eyes that looked just as questioning as she was sure her own looked.

The moment was awkward for them both, but they didn't move away or make a move to show what they expected. They stayed in silence for a few minutes as their minds worked up all the ridiculous possible scenarios. It was Sharon who finally leaned down and pressed a kiss to Brenda's lips. It was a chaste kiss; its purpose was to get Brenda's attention. When she pulled back and licked her lips, Brenda smiled a reassuring smile and put her hands on Sharon's thighs.

"I don't think you made your intentions for the night clear enough. I didn't want to assume anything. I wasn't sure if you invited me to-"

"You weren't sure if I invited you over for sex," Brenda stated seriously. Sharon nodded and Brenda brought one hand to Sharon's face to softly caress her cheek. "I had no particular plans for the night, honestly. Though, after you comin' out the bathroom like this..." Brenda trailed off with a humming sound and a lick of her lips.

Sharon couldn't help the flush that rose from her chest. "So?" Sharon felt odd and nervous like a virgin teenager. We're they really ready for this? Was she?

Brenda could read the other woman like a book at times like this. She knew exactly what Sharon was thinking and she herself was thinking similar thoughts. "We don't have to rush this," she whispered softly. "You can put on some clothes if you like and we can take this as slow as you want. Unless this is what you want; 'cause if it is, then that's okay, too."

"Are you sure? I don't want to-"

"We have time," she told her as she interrupted.

Sharon smiled as she leaned down and kissed her. Soon she would get up and put on some clothes. Then, they would take things slowly like Brenda said. Clothes stayed on that night, but their lips and hands still took the opportunity to explore new places on their bodies. It would be another two weeks before they had sex, which was anything but slow. But, they both knew that they had plenty of time later in life to take their time properly enjoying the physical contact.

**Seven months later:**

"You're doing it wrong," Sharon said as she entered the empty bedroom. Brenda threw an annoyed look over her shoulder as she stopped rolling the roller up the wall. "You're not standing right."

"There is no right way to stand when paintin' a wall," Brenda sassed back.

"You're also holding the roller frame incorrectly," she told her with a smirk forming on her lips.

"I think I can manage paintin' a wall, Sharon." Brenda turned away and started rolling the paint up the wall.

"Don't complain to me about needing a massage later then since you apparently know what you're doing." Sharon hummed as she turned to go to their own bedroom, leaving her to go on with painting the guest room.

Brenda pouted as she put the roller down and followed her girlfriend to their bedroom down the hall. That was something she was still getting used to - everything was now theirs since moving in together a few weeks before. It had been a rocky road that led them to where they were, but Brenda was enjoying living with Sharon in ways she had never enjoyed living with any other person. Brenda waited patiently as Sharon disappeared in the bathroom for a few minutes and came out in the silk slip she wore under her dress. Sharon always looked smaller to Brenda outside of her work clothes. She also looked more at peace with everything. Brenda enjoyed watching the transformation of Captain Raydor to Sharon. It was one of her favorite parts of those days that they were able to be home at the same time at the end of their long days.

"You wanna help me paint?" Brenda asked after Sharon placed a soft kiss to her lips.

"Are you going to let me show you how to do it correctly?" Sharon questioned as she pulled the silk garment over her head.

"I'm not doin' it wrong," she whined as her eyes traced every curve of Sharon's body as she walked away from her.

"Hon, I'm only trying to help you." Sharon grabbed a pair of shorts and threw them on the bed as she got out a shirt. "I don't even know why you insisted on painting the guest room."

Brenda got up and walked over to the bed and wrapped her arms around Sharon as she put her shirt on the bed. "You have too many dark colors and I thought a little color might brighten things up in here."

Sharon turned her head back and kissed her blonde girlfriend quickly. "Let me get dressed so we can get this painting done."

Brenda sighed and then dropped a kiss on Sharon's shoulder. "You want to order pizza for dinner? I don't think cookin' after all this hard work is goin' to be somethin' either of us will want to do."

As if her stomach was listening in on them, she heard it rumble loudly as a response. "I think pizza would be a good idea, but go ahead and order it now." Sharon removed her bra and felt Brenda's eyes on her before she saw her looking. "Go call for the pizza, Brenda," she said in a husky teasing tone. Brenda moved over to Sharon and gave her another kiss, which also involved her hand sliding up her stomach until she was able to gently caress Sharon's breast. Sharon pulled back and smacked her hand away. "Go!"

Brenda smiled. "I'm goin'," she said as she took one last look at Sharon. Sharon's body was still, and always would be, one thing Brenda couldn't get enough of.

When they went back in the guest room, Sharon passed Brendan the roller frame and stepped back. "You want me to show you how to hold it?"

"This seems like when guys used to tell me they wanted to teach me how to play pool, but all they wanted was to get close to me."

Sharon rolled her eyes. "I don't need an excuse to get close to you. If I wanted to touch you, then I would. I'm really trying to make this work smoothly... the proper way."

"Why does everythin' have to follow protocol all the time? We're just paintin'," she told her as she started applying the blue paint to the wall.

Sharon ignored her as she came behind her and put her hand over on Brenda's right hand. "Hold the weight of the frame with your back hand and let it slide up your left hand. You're pushing it, which isn't consistent. Let the roller do the work."

Brenda followed orders and let it smoothly slide as Sharon stayed behind her. "I think I have it, baby," Brenda teased when Sharon stayed behind her.

Sharon let go of the paint roller and then smiled. "Maybe I really did just want to get close to you," she whispered against her neck.

It tickled when Sharon's breath moved against her skin. She smiled, still trying to paint the wall as Sharon started pressing kisses against her neck. Brenda loved how affectionate Sharon could get at times. It was happening more and more as their relationship progressed. Having a relationship that started with a lot of kisses, it was amazing that things were still that way and even more heated and sweet than they were initially.

"I thought you were gonna help me paint?" Brenda asked, her voice thicker.

Sharon smiled against her skin and slid her hands against either side of the small woman's body. "You smell good," she husked.

"I smell like paint," she dismissed.

"Under the smell of paint, I can still smell you," she told her. "You smell like, uh - What is that body wash that you like to use? Oh! You smell like honeysuckle." Sharon closed her eyes and inhaled deeply.

Brenda felt a warmth spread through her body. "Kiss me," she pleaded as she felt her heart swell pleasantly. Sharon smiled as she lifted her head. She moved her lips to hers and let her breath ghost over them. Brenda moaned softly and moved her body so it pressed harder against Sharon. "Kiss me," she whispered again impatiently. Sharon's tongue slipped out and lightly swiped Brenda's lip teasingly, but she didn't kiss her. Brenda hated and loved it when Sharon teased her in that way. "Baby," she whined.

Sharon smirked and pulled away. "Paint," she whispered. She paid close attention to the whimpering sound that her girlfriend made and knew she had succeeded. She threw a wink over her shoulder as she went and got the other paint roller and coated it in the light-blue paint. She almost didn't notice it when Brenda stuck out her own roller towards her, but she definitely felt the cool paint against her arm. She whipped her head around and narrowed her eyes. "Brenda," she shrieked.

Brenda smiled. "Shoulda kissed me."

Before Brenda had a chance to say anything else, Sharon pulled her to her. She kissed her roughly and desperately. They both moaned loudly into each other's mouths. They moved to the floor in one quick motion and Sharon pinned Brenda to the floor. Brenda squirmed under her as she tried to get more from the older woman, but Sharon ended their kiss with a nip to her lip. She looked down at her as she straddled her waist. Her green eyes were quickly growing darker as she took both hands in one of hers.

Sharon reached to her left with her free hand and dipped her finger into the paint. She bit her lip as she looked at Brenda thoughtfully and then traced Brenda's collarbone with the paint. Brenda smiled at her and Sharon couldn't fight back her own smile at the sight of those beautiful brown eyes lighting up and that wide smile causing dimples to show. She leaned down to kiss her and released Brenda's hands. Brenda easily took advantage of that and rolled them over so she was on top. She kissed her slowly as she ran her hand through her hair and let her other run across her arm, which was the one covered in paint.

"You're getting paint all over you," Sharon informed her when they broke away from their kiss.

Brenda smiled and took the painted finger and wiped Sharon's nose. "I know," she whispered sweetly.

Sharon wiggled her nose and rolled them back over so she could take control. They ended up spilling some of the paint in the process. "Shoot," she hissed.

Brenda giggled and put her hand in the paint. "We have more of this than we need anyway," she told her as she brought a wet finger to Sharon's neck.

Sharon smiled and prayed that it wouldn't be too hard to get the paint off. "You look cute with paint all over you," she whispered as she started to spread paint across Brenda's chest with three fingers.

"So do you," she laughed.

Sharon felt a childlike glee take over her as a small giggle came from her. She leaned down and pressed another kiss to her lips. The wall would have to wait. She much rather get lost in the moment with the amazing woman who was stealing her heart with every second that passed.

**One month from the time Brenda moved in:**

"You know cooking together means you need to actually do something, right?!"

Brenda smiled widely from the table as she looked up from the work she was working on. "I did help. I seasoned the fish and started cookin' it. I don't know what else you want me to do when I don't even know how to cook what you're makin'."

Sharon rolled her eyes as she flipped the fish over. "Would you please get your murder victim off the kitchen table?! You promised Friday's we would have dinner together without having to deal with work."

Brenda huffed loudly. "Technically we aren't having dinner yet," she quipped.

"Brenda Leigh," she warned.

"You know I really hate when you call me that. You always sound just like Mama when I used to do somethin' wrong." Sharon smirked. "And that smirk..." Brenda trailed off with a groan as she got up and removed her things from the table.

"Love you," she called after Brenda when she walked out of the kitchen.

"Yeah, yeah." Brenda took a pause before sweetly continuing. "I love you, too."

"Oh, I know," she purred. "I know, honey." Brenda rolled her eyes from the hallway and went upstairs to their bedroom.

**Two years after they started dating:**

Brenda tapped her fingers against the glass at the jewelry store. She was growing impatient and she still needed to make it home to shower and change. Their first anniversary was spent at work on a joint case, so this year she was determined to make it perfect. She'd made reservations at Sharon's favorite restaurant and sent her flowers at work. She made sure the necklace she wanted to give Sharon was ready for pickup and she even left work to make sure she would have enough time to get ready. This was going to be the best night of the year if it was up to her. She just needed this saleswoman to stop running her mouth as she got her what she came to pick up.

"'Scuse me, ma'am," she tried sweetly, throwing on the southern charm, but the woman held up a single finger and went on with her conversation.

Brenda groaned and tapped her fingers harder against the glass. She only managed another five seconds of semi-patience. Luckily the woman brought her the jewelry box. The woman handled Brenda quickly and then Brenda was set to go.

"Thank you. Thank you so very much," she said and the young saleswoman actually smiled at her as if her thanks were really sincere and not her biting her tongue because she really would have liked to say some words she's sure we're completely inappropriate.

Brenda rushed home and tripped over her own feet to get up to the bedroom quickly. She didn't know how she was going to manage to get ready and out the house before Sharon arrived home. She needed to head over to Jessica's house to check on her, knowing Sharon would be worried all night if one of them didn't. Jessica, Sharon's daughter, was on bed-rest and her husband worked nights, so that always left Sharon feeling a little worried about her youngest daughter. Brenda planned on spending a little time there before coming back to pick up Sharon, which also meant she would get to surprise Sharon with the new dress she picked out for the night. She was sure she was going to love it.

Later, after finally getting back to the house, Brenda could feel the excitement bubbling inside her. She walked up the stone path to her own door and rang the doorbell. She heard the click of heels on the floor before her eyes met Sharon in the small glass in the door. She could tell from the crinkle around her eyes that she was smiling. Brenda licked her lips as Sharon opened the door. Brenda's breath caught in her throat as she looked at Sharon. She'd never seen her look so beautiful before - which meant a lot since she looked gorgeous to her at all times.

"Wow," was the only word to pass those wide lips.

Sharon smiled as she reached her hand out and pulled Brenda to her. "Wow yourself," she husked. She brought her mouth for a gentle kiss as she traced her jaw with her fingertips. They had barely found any time for each other during the day, so she was glad to finally have the rest of their night together. "You look beautiful," she whispered against her lips after ending their kiss. "The dress - it really suits you. You look..." She sighed happily and took another look at Brenda in her red dress, which seemed to be made for the smaller woman's body.

Brenda always loved when Sharon noticed things she had done just for her. She smiled as she leaned in for one last kiss. "You ready to go?"

"Let me fix my makeup and I'm all yours," she responded as she walked to get her clutch.

"You're already all mine," she said sweetly.

Sharon smiled at her and rolled her eyes at the same time - it was something she did often with Brenda. "You're lucky I think you're cute," Sharon told her with a smirk as she walked to the mirror.

"That I am," she agreed. "Very lucky," she said as she licked her lips. She would have to fix her own lipstick in the car.

Dinner was just as perfect as she was hoping it would be. They laughed and had a few glasses of wine and delicious chocolate desserts. They reminisced and remembered things that led to where they found themselves. They took a walk after dinner, holding hands as they talked about anything and nothing at all. All that mattered was that they were happy and in a type of love that they both previously thought they would never find. They finally made it back to the car, taking a moment to kiss against it before Sharon finally told her it would be better if they were to just get home where there could be alone.

"Wait," Brenda said, putting her hand over Sharon's when she was about to start driving. "I can't wait any longer. I wanna give you your gift."

Sharon turned her head so she was facing the blonde. "We agreed we wouldn't exchange gifts," Sharon reminded her.

Brenda knew this, but she couldn't help it. "Well, it's too late to worry about that now. I already bought it."

Sharon couldn't be annoyed when Brenda looked at her with those shimmering brown eyes and held out a box for her to take. "But I didn't get you anything."

"Baby, just take the gift," Brenda said.

Sharon took the jewelry box and looked up at Brenda before slowly opening the box. She smiled as she looked at the necklace. It was two hearts; one heart was inside the other and the bigger of the two was engraved. "You hold my heart forever," she read aloud. She smiled and looked up at the blonde. "Put it on me," she requested as she passed the box back to her and turned in the seat.

Brenda took the necklace out of the box as Sharon moved her hair out of the way. She moved over in her seat and put the necklace on for her. "There we go," she said when it was on.

Sharon smiled and looked in the mirror. "It's a beautiful," she told her and then leaned over to place a kiss on Brenda's lips. "Thank you," she whispered against her lips. Brenda hummed and kissed her passionately until Sharon pulled back. "If I had known you were going to-"

"You've already given me everythin' I could ever want. You've given me so much these past few years. With you I've found somethin' I never knew existed. I've found somethin' I wasn't even lookin' for." Brenda smiled brightly. "Baby, you're all I'll ever want of need. Havin' you in my life is a gift as is."

Sharon's heart did one of those almost painful flip-flops and she leaned in and kissed Brenda. Nobody had ever made her feel so complete and happy in life. "I love you," she said in the middle of their kiss. "I love you so much," she told her full-heartedly.

"Love you more," Brenda responded happily.

With each other they both found an almost foreign euphoric feeling. They both knew it was forever and there was no changing that. They had each other and that was all they needed. They found something they hadn't been looking for and they didn't plan to ever let go of it.

The End

Thanks for reading, guys :) Hope you enjoyed it.


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